thought

have you ever missed someone so bad and can't tell it to them? have you ever felt having this thought in your head that you want that person to know, but too afraid that it might just ruin everything if you blurt it out? have you ever thought of telling someone how much you love them, but needed to hold it back because you don't want to get hurt again?

i want to tell him how much i miss him. how many times i think of him. imagining a life with him. i guess, i'm crazy for him. but, no, i think i'm in love with him. i wanted to ask him if he could just stay and chat with me because i've missed him so much and just to see his face relieves it and makes me really happy. but i can't. he has his own life too and i can't hold him down. i won't and don't want to. i love him despite of his shortcomings and imperfections for i am the same. i love him and still tries to wake up when he says that he'll be home in 3 hours, but would not receive even a phone call from him. i still would wait up on him if he'd say he'll be home in 3 hours but wouldn't really keep that promise. i love him even if he doesn't return my text messages or calls, for i know he has more than enough reason and i fully understand that. maybe you're thinking i'm crazy. yes, i am. crazily in love and loving him unconditionally. loving him and expecting nothing in return. i know he loves me, because he said so and i trust him.

trust is something that's really fragile and hard to keep. he's far away, people say he might be fooling around or doing some crazy things. apart from this, people say it's weird that i can't see much information on his facebook and wouldn't want me to tag him or post comments on his wall. i know that's weird, but whatever his excuse is, i understand why he's doing it. in the end, if he was fooling around, at least it wasn't me who wasted the opportunity to be loved. and i, for one, at least had the chance to love openly.

just a thought i'd like to share from someone who's loving selflessly..